The #1 Dating Question: Why Are You Still Single?

01.21.12

If you're single like me, I'm sure you're sick of answering the same question over and over, "Why are you still single?" Or even worse, "How come you're not married?" I have to flat out say that this is the dumbest question in the world to ask someone, yet people ask me all the time. I admit, I can understand why it's asked. You want to know if there's a catch. Why hasn't someone snatched me up or purposed because it doesn't make sense to you at this point.

I suppose it can be viewed as a compliment when you're asked since the very question implies that they can't see anything wrong with you. But it's actually quite foolish to reveal that you're on the hunt for some sort of flaw that will prove this person is not fit for a relationship. You've decided to throw the question out there so you can get the inside info on the opinions other people have formed about this girl.

It sounds like a perfectly logical thing to do, except that once you've asked, it reveals something about your own character. Asking why I'm not in a relationship shows that your own opinion of me is not enough. You don't trust your own instincts and therefore have decided to let other guys who I'd dated before tell you what to do.

More than anything else, I hate this question because I honestly don't know how to answer. How can anyone possibly know the reason why social gatherings have not lead to getting asked out, why past dates have not lead to a relationship, or why past relationships haven't lead to long-term committment? You can make guesses, blame it on your own or other's mistakes. You can theorize or even delve deep into your own emotional psyche, looking for some flaw to change that will miraculaously alter the way you handle relationships with the opposite sex.

Instead of making a futile attempt to explain why I am still a single woman, I have found there is only one answer to this question. It's quite simple and absolutely true for every single person out there. It also keeps you from misleading the one who asked with some theory you've formed about yourself. The only way to answer this impossible question is simply to say, "I just haven't found the right one yet."

It's more true than any other answer. It may be vague, but since the question is absolutely impossible to answer, it's the best route to take. Believe me, blaming it on past boyfriends, letting them know something you dislike about yourself or discussing a theory you have about why you always have unsuccessful relationships is just going to make you look bad. It's far better to give give them a chance to form their own opinion of you, without a confusing theory that is most likely completely inaccurate.

So for all you guys who have ever asked me this question, as well as all the future guys who ask it, you now have my answer. The right one is out there for me, I just haven't found him yet. Go ahead and ask the question, but believe me, it won't do you any good.

And now for a little dating humor. Be careful what methods you use when trying to pick up a girl...

Article written by Shelly Allen.
Photo by Shelly Allen Photography

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