Dating, Relationships, Commitment & Staying Away from Wimps

04.06.11

After listening to a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks in the April 2011 LDS General Conference last Saturday, I have decided to make some changes in my life. One of the first things I want to change is my approach to dating. To be honest most my dates have been either awkward or just okay, but of the guys I liked more than the others, none of them expressed any interest in committing to dating just me alone. This used to really get me down and when it happened with multiple guys I started to believe there was something wrong with me.

Click here to listen to Dallin H Oaks talk from the April 2011 LDS General Conference

What a silly thing to wonder right? Of course there's something wrong with me. I'm human, I make tons of mistakes everyday, get angry sometimes, and I'm a bit taller than I'd like to be. Who I am comes into play with any relationship, but the fact that I have many family and friends who love me for exactly who I am proves that my imperfections are not enough to drive every guy I'm going to meet away. I'm confident that I will be a great girlfriend (and eventually wife) someday, I just need to find a guy who is willing to make a commitment to dating just one girl when the time is right. So far the guys that I've dated the longest have all seemed to lose interest right when things were about to get really good. Right about the time where we needed to define our relationship and either choose to take things to the next level, or back off and keep looking.

I used to wonder why the guys I dated were so afraid of making a commitment since the definition does not sound very threatening:

Commitment: the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action.

Then I realized, it's not the commitment that's scary. It's making the decision that's scary. We all have things we've decided to do in the past that did not have the outcome we hoped for. So we hesitate when making a decision that we know will make a big change in our lives. It sounds reasonable, but at the same time, in my opinion, it's also really... wimpy. Are we so terrified to commit to something that we prefer to just sit between making a decision for as long as possible until we are sure that the outcome will be positive?

Trust me, it won't do any good. Stalling won't give us insight into the future. Yes, it is important to fully think through a decision before we make it, but the only possible way to know whether a choice we make is going to be a good or bad one is by taking the risk. Stepping up to the plate and having faith that you're making the right decision, and then committing to it.

Fear is the opposite of faith. Being afraid to commit to a good woman (or man) is unattractive, wimpy. It shows you're not a risk taker and more importantly proves you have no faith in the person who is willing to commit to you. Those who let fear rule their lives are never going to experience the best that life has to offer. They have chosen inaction over action and therefore end up going... nowhere.

Progression is what life is all about. Life is becoming more than who we are and going places we've never been before. So far dating has not been very fun for me, but I can either continue to dwell on my past experiences or I can start over again. Elder Oaks talk has inspired me to work harder than ever to find a real man who is looking for a committed relationship, someone who will have faith in me and love me for who I am. I'm sure I will find a lot more men who will refuse to make the decision when it needs to be made, but my past experiences will make dating much easier this time around. I'm willing to take a risk on someone, and I won't bother wasting any time on guys who aren't willing to do the same for me. When the time comes to make a scary decision I'll make it, because I know commitment isn't scary, it's simply a journey into the unknown.

Article written by Shelly Allen.
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