Why Would I Give Up The Things I Love Because I Got Married?

06.14.12

I find it odd that when I started telling people that I was getting married, I kept getting the same sort of questions...

"So are you going to keep Irish dancing?"
"Are you going to keep working here?"
"Are you going to give up photography?"

It's unbelieveable that many people automatically assume that falling in love means the end of all the things you did as a single person. What comes next? Lemme guess...

"Are you going to stop leaving the house?"
"Are you going to stop getting dressed in the morning?"
"Are you going to quit progressing in life and settle into a monotonous routine of cooking, cleaning and doing laundry?"

The fact that I'm getting questions like these so often makes me wonder two things. The person asking probably has no idea that married life is pretty much the same as single life. Which makes me wonder if they plan to give up the things they love most in life when they fall in love. Also, since I get these type of questions so often, I wonder just how many newlyweds actually answer yes.

I admit, I have less time since I got married. I've decided to make sure me and my sexy man have lots of free time to together, but by all means I'm never going to just stop doing the things I love to do! If finding your soulmate meant giving up everything you've worked so hard to accomplish all your life, we would all dread the day we finally fell in love. The fact is, getting married isn't "settling down". If anything it feels like I'm just getting started with my life! I'm very in love with Russ, but that doesn't mean I'm any less passionate about Irish dance or photography, art, singing, or even writing blogs.

Perhaps the real problem is too many people, especially women, assume that marriage requires that they to take on a specific gender role. I can only imagine what agony it would be to give up your own original talents and personality to become someone everyone expects you to be. I'll never be a stereotypical wife and I'm proud of that. I haven't been married for too long, but at this point I know my husband never expected me to change into someone else after we got married. In fact I'm sure he would hate it if I had.

I've never believed that getting married is a good excuse to give up the things you love. Doing so will only take away some of your happiness. My husband makes me very happy, but there are other things that make me happy as well. Giving up one happiness for another is just plain silly. Why trade in one for the other, when you can have both?

Article written by Shelly Allen.
Photo by Shelly Allen Photography

TAGS: marriage, gender, role, commitment, quit, career, job, irish, dance, shelly, hathaway, allen, relationships, free, time, work, photography, happiness, happy, love, soulmate, husband, wife, clean, cook, laundry, assum, passionate, wedding, newlywed

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