I'm Not Going To Let Anyone Push Me Around Anymore
I have tried all my life to be recognized as an artist, whether it's through web design, photography, Irish dance, graphic art, singing, or writing. I have a very strong desire for people to notice what I've worked hard to create, and I wish to inspire others to create beautiful things as well.
That being said, I've never been good with people. It seems no matter how long I've been friends with someone, making one mistake is so offensive that the whole relationship dissapears in a matter of hours. Because I rarely succeed in making true unconditional friends, I focus on my creative talents. Just taking a photo or dancing a few steps fills me with so much happiness, and every once in a while someone will acknowledge my hard work. When they do, it feels wonderful, like even though people don't like me very much, they respect what I can do.
This past year however, with the exception of my wonderful new husband, I have had so many dear friends treat me like they don't want me around any longer. I never thought I would quit my Irish dance school, but whenever I go to class I feel so much animosity from everyone around me. I don't remember doing anything to offend the instructors and other dancers, but it feels as though I've done something unforgivable.
Recently I posted a funny photo on Facebook and the amount of angry people who attacked me afterward was so overwhelming I deleted my account and even my website for a short time. Apparently some people consider such a post unforgivable; enough to curse me and treat me as though I deserve to go to Hell. I have social anxiety, so you can only imagine just how upset I was after being treated like I didn't deserve any forgiveness for making a mistake.
I will get to the point. I am not here to play the victim and make others feel guilty for treating me badly. In fact I have decided to do quite the opposite. Confrontation completely terrifies me so my first reaction to being treated the way I have is to back down and apologize immediately. I have always let others push me around and I've officially decided not to let them anymore.
To be honest, I hold no grudges. I frankly forgive everyone who I have mentioned, but at the same time I will not let any of you push me around again. I will sell what I wish to sell, I will dance the steps I want to dance and I will not allow anyone to treat me as though I'm not a beloved daughter of God. This means I will have to confront those who try to control me, insult me or accuse me of something terrible. If you try to cross me, I will no longer back down. I choose not let anyone convince me that I am not an amazing Irish dancer, photographer, singer, or artist.
I have been blessed with talents and am not going to waste them. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, people who understand that I am human. True friends are willing to forgive mistakes. Since I offer that courtesy to everyone that I know, if you are not willing to do the same for me, I choose not to care anymore.
True friends love unconditionally and uplift the people around them, not tear them down. I will not be pushed around, I will not let others control me, and no one will ever stop me from working hard to become an amazing artist.
So if this article angers you and makes you want to push me around, I invite you to try. I am only being honest, and if anything I've said makes you hate me, you are not the type of friend I want to have anyway.
Article written by Shelly Allen.
Photo by Shelly Allen Photography
TAGS: confrontation, people, social, anger, conflict, push, around, control, controlling, talents, artist, irish, dance, school, photography, art, singing, graphic, shy, friends, phsycology, fear, unkind, intimidation, intimidated, allow, stop, bullying
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